life moments

Decision

2010-01-05T13:26:00.003+08:00

When a decision is make up in ur mind, is hard to change! but now is been shaken! I, dun noe how to put it into words!

Look at the past year till just the start of this year! one by one ppl left the team, and yet we are not making a process to anywhere! Ever wonder where the problem lies? I doubt anyone does... We should not be complacent jus becuz we won, or when we are good tat dun give us an excuse to take a break... Instead is to move on to a higher level of training...

I see the disappointment in His eyes! He look with lots of sadness, wondering where have gone wrong, is it going to be e end of our team? Haiz... he said so many captains this time round yet cannot control e team and bring the team to a higher point. Well... this make me even more disappoint in myself, is it us, or just the people! Why can't they commit more? Dun they like this sport? If No why in the first place they are here... Do they have the WANT in them or jus come here for fun, rowing, suntanned, make friends or really to achieve sumthing in their life during poly! Scolding, talking, plea and everything i guess we have done our best, but to really plea them to come isn't the best thing to do cuz is we want not they want instead!

He say: What the point for me to come training when my rowers is not there, i come because of you people... For a coach to say this out for us, is suppose to be very touch and i guess we are gulity! Each of his precious time is spend in us, rather his own family yet we go enjoy and forget the presence of his, purpose of why are we training so hard for all these years... Is ture somewhere we can be lost but...

**People is time to wake up, seeing his face, i kind of feel gulity and wish to help him! yet dun noe where to start and how to start...

In the first place should i even get it started....
What Should i do....

Praying

2010-01-03T23:42:00.005+08:00

I know is kind of depressing to start blogging back with a sad news again after 2 months away i guess... But i m kind of really depress this time round, not myself but for my fren, goldfish!

Badly affected by receiving the news of her accident. Head down to see her with my ex classmate in e hosptial after group project on sat. Her condition isn't very good, in a bad shape...
Waiting outside e ICU room to see her, my heart fell heavy... Is fill with worries, scare and prayers for her....
Seeing her in e room, my tears jus fill my eyes, i wish to cry... but was held back, cause at this time we, as her friend got to be even stronger...All i could do is jus stand there, pray for her and tell her to be strong! In my heart, i wish to grap her up and shout at her, Wake up, u got to be strong like last time, like how i knew the girl was...In my memories of her, she is a tough girl, not gentle, rough yet strong mental and will to carry on with anything tat is not possible as long as she set her mind to do it as long as she think is possible! Motivating us n pushing us along everything...She is such a dear friend i would say yet...I can't believe such things could happen to her but Fatal things happen just right after new year! When we are having fun yet another side of the world is not...

Seeing her now lying there, I become scare... Dun noe why but jus cannot believe what happen in show or my nursing job today become so real, right infront of me and is my friend!

So is our birth n death all have time lined or is it fate to let such things happen... Must one be like this, in such a painful state and feel with remorseful for wat hav happen or really to blame no one but urself! What lies ahead for the future no one can really tell...

Now all i can do is to go visit her and pray in my heart tat she will be fine soon! The tramua and wat lead to the future we cannot predict or tell yet, therefore pls get out of danger soon goldfish!

Goldfish: If u can hear me, I wanna to tell U, U are always so strong like a cow in my heart, last time is, now also! I believe with the cow power, u shall once again get out of danger soon! Let us see the possible soon pls...

God bless Goldfish and everyone :)

Lastly, Treasure the one you loved every sec, every min and not let any regrets to take place for no one can tell what will happen next moment!

2009-11-05T22:46:00.003+08:00

Yes... can't spell it without 'U' which is me now! So i m the failure totally now!
I m such a disappointment in myself now! Not getting it yet i dun noe why is it! But i think muz be due to The same reason agaiN! I hate it... I work hard yet i fail badly again! Laugh all u wanna ppl... i m going to give up soon, for there is nothing for me to hold on anymore! The dream i wanna getting further away from me and the effort i have put in all came crushing down on to me noW! Heart feel so heavy and stress. guess Let me jus live the way i m now, feeling so useless n helpless!
Once again i m lost in direction... wish to be alone. Think of what i wannna, i now more than afraid than anyone or anything!

give me strength...

2009-10-29T20:43:00.002+08:00

why am i feeling so tired... Why am i feel numb to e surroundings... Just hu can tell me why am i feeling such an uncomfortable way now... Tired***

Dream

2009-10-04T14:15:00.003+08:00

Dream... Everyone know their dream and will reach for it, but what about mine?

I feel meaningless in everything, kill me for who i m now cause i don't like it this way!

- The PUSH is no longer there for me to reach, it only seems to be getting further from me...

So near yet so far, the harder i move forward, i m just getting tired, unable to grasp what i wanna-

Motivation, encouragment, dreams, Aim, goal...watever it is, no longer appear to me!

Flight is all i have now...

** DISAPPOINTMENT IN MYSELF**

New hairstyle!

2009-10-02T10:14:00.004+08:00

A big clap for myself cause i make a big step out: Cutting my hair till so short... is consider damn short for me! Gosh in the first place i been thinking but i think i need a new style! Hair has been messy and no style is nice... so i thought short will be good! So much courage i took but is good... nv regret and first time my grandma say this hair good...look prettier lol. She praise me wor. haha...
Hmmm Find around for a good hairstylist cause cut short is not a joke, cannot be reversible so i must consider it carefully... lol Found a good one recommemded by chuanqin's sister... At Actpoint orchard.His name is ANSON! Come to think abt it i m fated to cut there as last time i wanna to go, just that i worried too ex but now i eventually went in! I love this haircut totally... I think suit me hehe... okie better don't zhi lian here! hehee... Hope this nice cut last me long wor :P From this length... till Yup is this short! haha... see the side!

Leftside is shorter than right... I love the left side cause can feel the short feeling...

My right side is longer... but very hard to maintain cause will become 'qqq...' dun give me bad hair day pls... hehe

Need to blow dry, maintain it, cannot tuck in behind my ears.! gosh... lazy person lo me yet the hairstylist tell me so many things.. but i muz do it in order not to waste my 100bucks...I think is worth it but the rebonding alittle not worth! NVm at least is a change...

**thumbs up ** With the new style, is a new joyce! I have cut away the 8years of past (hopping), include sadness! and now looking forward to future! Joyce jia you...

Where am I standing now?

2009-09-28T23:54:00.001+08:00

I m in a totally lost world! I go thru daily routine with no life... Heart seems to be numb!

Disappointed in my performance, regardless is studies, result or training! Just totally disappointed in myself...

Doubt in everything!

2009-09-25T23:18:00.005+08:00

Hard work, hard work and ur result shall be paid off... Is it true? Well is a PACK OF LIES!
well let me share with u why: Just got my result and saw my posting result, a nice and fucking C+ for the credit 14! yeah is 14 not little but alot! and yes i got c, laugh all u wanna... cuz i think i m laughing at myself now too... hahaha... stupid joyce!
To think u can get this type of result for ur attachment! U... sucks...

Honestly I m not demanding that i need or deserve an A but surely not an C+ cause all the comment given by the lecture in the book at the end of the posting is, well u have done well... u read n sign! So here is wat the Load of bullshit they say to me...
Joyce is a steady, fast learner, hardwork, seek opportunities to skills, proactive, confidence in her work, motivated and dillgent, keep up the good work! So nice comment tat make ur day WOW or yesh is a good posting... haha but aware this are all just a PACK OF LIES! Behind show ur result it become C....the teacher are telling me to keep up the good work of c grade!
To whoever have write the comment, i dun noe if u are blind or ur calculation got problem... if i am lousy, need improvement, pls tell me and i m willing to change with grace and accept my mistake. Dun tell me fucking bullshit to make my day cuz it hurt at the end of the day! NOT jus a simple hurt but also u make me doubt my abilities to strive for harder result! No reinforcement but well done negative reinforcement! And i m dead without a reason, even a patient whu die suddenly, have the rights to know the death cause but wat abt me... i m now like a ghost whu cannot reborn cuz i m having angry and unsolve question here!! how did i die from this? no one answer this question jus tell me work hard! STOP PLS... each time u tell me to work harder i doubt my abilities more cuz i know i have done all my best, yet this is the result.. HOW! tell me lah!
Worst thing... went to find the head n here is wat she say!
Laugh or cry... when ur head in charge tell u, DO YOU KNOW ACTAULLY C+ IS ALSO A GOOD GRADE! hahaha.... is the most funny joke i ever hear already! HEllo i m not student tat will be happy with just a C+ grade! Wake up ur mind can... is discriminating me when u say such things to me... ask me how is my posting, did i do well... my studies leh... ask me so much yet dun tell me the reason jus say continue to work harder...
How to work harder...have i done badly in studies? NO, Cca? NO also, attachment oh this is good! FUCKING HEll entertain me... den how to go further when i did my best this is wat i get! U not only pull my grade down but also my doubt! Now i m having so much doubt... i dun noe... feel so empty mind with jus the C+ in it.. hate myself! But well all the best to u cuz many ppl say tat why teacher sit in office, jus get paid! SIT and hope u get pressure sore soon!!!!!
Den u will noe wat nursing care can i provide!

NYP SYSTEM JUST SUCK lah.... i will remember watever happen de.... i hate NYP! did i make the right choice by going in.. i think i did...

Intro by a fren...

2009-09-13T00:41:00.002+08:00

okie i m stupid.. dunnoe how to upload a real player which i have download from youtube... anyway is this song (no suprise) by daughtry.... nice n sweet song.

Lyrics i have got here....

I've practiced this for hours, gone round and roundAnd now I think that I've got it all downAnd as I say it louder I love how it soundsCause I'm not taking the easy way outNot wrapping this in ribbonsShouldn't have to give a reason why...

It's NO SURPRISE I won't be here tomorrowI can't believe that I stayed till todayYeah you and I will be a tough act to followBut I know in time we'll find this was NO SURPRISE

It came out like a river once I let it outWhen I thought that I wouldn't know howHeld onto it forever just pushing it downFelt so good to let go of it nowNot wrapping this in ribbonsShouldn't have to give a reason whyIt's NO SURPRISE

I won't be here tomorrowI can't believe that I stayed till todayThere's nothing here in this heart left to borrowThere's nothing here in this soul left to sayDon't be surprised when we hate this tomorrowGod know we tried to find an easier way[ Daughtry Lyrics are found on www.songlyrics.com ] Yeah you and I will be a tough act to followBut I know in time we'll find this was NO SURPRISE

Our favorite place we used to goThe warm embrace that no one knowsThe loving look that's left your eyesThat's why this comes as no, as NO SURPRISEIf I could see the future and how this plays outI bet it's better than where we are nowBut after going through this, it's easier to see the reason whyIt's NO SURPRISE

I won't be here tomorrowI can't believe that I stayed till todayYeah you and I will be a tough act to followBut I know in time we'll find this was NO SURPRISEThe kiss goodnight, it comes with meBoth wrong and right, our memoriesThe whispering before we sleep, just one more thing that you can't keepOur favorite place we used to goThe warm embrace that no one knowsThe loving look that's left your eyesBut I know in time we'll find this was NO SURPRISE

Meaningful song for me... i been hearing... but i still have no answer! Why!

Things changes

2009-09-06T15:49:00.000+08:00

Attachment is down to left with 3 weeks! Kind of long cuz tat ward is not nice to be in at all! Everything is so strict and so stress, not easy to score with. I m kind of worry cuz this posting i m not interest at all!
Actually i jus hope everything end fast so i can fully concentrate on wat i wanna... Pls move on with the days asap...i wish.

Sorry... I dun noe why things turn up to be like this also! I can't answer to ur question and i m in a loss myself too.. I went to church hoping to have an answer to everything but still i feel confuse. I dun wish to run away but i dun noe how to face you.

How m i feeling?

2009-08-30T19:58:00.000+08:00

Well... No one bother how do i really feel but nothing better to do or someone to do i jus going to shit it all out on my lame blog... hehe... poor blog :)
But nvm lah is all abt my life moment mah same as my title.

So how am i feeling at this moment after exam. Yup though is after exam i m sianz, this feelings is killing me since e sem start and till today! Hunting me like a ghost...

Apathy.
Jus this feeling... meaning of this is also called impassivity or perfunctoriness~~ is a state of indifference, or the suppression of emotions such as concern, excitement, motivation and passion. An apathetic individual has an absence of interest or concern to emotional, social, or physical life. They may also exhibit an insensibility or sluggishness.

My life seems to be on very routine. Everyday doing the same things, but in the past i seems to be enjoying it as a process of life and wanna it even more badly! How tired it is, is worth the well... Now i seriously dun noe. Many ppl say is tired and i think too much or infact no one knows or really bother to understand! Each for their own i thinks... hmmmm

Jus two weeks of exam, i been thinking alot! Perhaps due to i din do well. I know myself this time i hope wont need to retake any paper! I jus can't concentrate at all...Mind memory is so full n heavy.
Did a small talk with coach and he say, LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO BE HAVING SO MUCH STRESS FOR MYSELF.
is it mah... m i demanding too much from myself in everything i do? Regardless is bf, sch, family or even rowing... is it really too much for me to take it anymore? Tat cause the breakdown now? I dun noe.... is like i m honestly 360 degree upside down leading myself to walk this path... Back to training i dun noe why, i jus finding more excuse to miss, to not to train,and unable to keep with the rest is a big stress too... High up is jus too high for me to be there, as there got no space for me. I m jus extra and i see ppl getting further n further away from me. I m tired of catching up with the pace...

Attachment start on monday for one month, i m not waiting nor do i wish to attent! I wanan to go away from here...i dun noe why! I hate it..jus jate every little single things i m doing now.

Haiz... away for a moment of ...meaningless

Where do i belong...

2009-07-25T23:27:00.000+08:00

At the moment, my heart is fill with lots of mix feeling... Honestly looking at you i don't know where do i really stand in your heart or am i just the extra one? I seriously don't know.. tears are uncontrol suddenly.! This mix feeling is brining me down to the ground... Standing next to you yet i feel so far apart, stranger feeling. Too others eyes i m jus not close but pretend to be one or is it me, myself that have over step into ur life???

I should step back, perhaps it allow me to see things better. Now with this reason, the distance cannot be cover up instead it grow further apart. Looking at how much you love it, i knew it already. I shouldn't be here in the first place...Well this is bad things jus keep repeating... Am i jus tat lousy? Or in me this is what i deserve?
I dun wish to give up on you cause you give me courage, encouragement, let me stay on to push... I seriously don't know. The harder i try to hold on to you, the feeling of losing is greater and it scare me off... I m jus tat weak!...

ARRGGG.... Stop this mix feeling pls! Pls...

I give u...

2009-07-23T23:25:00.003+08:00

If you don't have the strength to move on, I give you a lending hands...
If you don't have the mood to move on, I will cheer you up...
If you don't have any friends, I will stay on by your side...
If you don't have confidence, I will tell you i m your confidence.
If you have no one to trust, Pls trust in me...
If no one to show loved, I will tell you, I love you...
If the world change, I won't...
If you are down, I will stay by you...
No matter what happen, I make the difference in your life. :)

Is there such good things... haha, Shit emo stop coming back pls...

Anyway k4 girls... no matter what we are in this together, no one is to leave and hope we shall be happy at the end of the finish line!

Never say die!

2009-07-23T13:58:00.007+08:00

Okie, Nwcc is so soon and yet i think i been very negative this few weeks! Perharps due to stress ever since school restart from attachment cum 2weeks holidays! Don't even feel like going back school but Work is pile up till i hardly can breathe! well is getting worse as exam are coming and so many presenation next week! Gosh... Sleeping late at 4 to 5 am in the morning is becoming a habbit due to rush my project ensure is on the right track! Training has also been on n off for my performance, honestly i m just disappointed in myself till last nite... a wake up call mah i would say....

Yesterday mel came to training to take excuse letter. We had a chat on how good qifang n her partner even with jus 3 training, no more confidence i said. Just dun go race...I think kind of scare her too. When walk to the toilet, before mel left, she stood there and wait to say: Joyce wo xian zhou, quack dian jiang ni you confidence: (Joyce quick tell me you got confidence or not...)
I don't know how to reply to her and jus ask her hurry go back. Sorry Mel, but i think over it :)

- Now this blog is specially delicate to all NWCC girls include my new partner:)

*To Mel: Honestly i don't know how well we are doing or how much confidence we have! I scare i m a burden to you and at the same time i m worry as i been cutting down training due to my studies stuff...I feel lousy and pulling u down. I can see from you that you have alot of confidence in me n our k2. I think over n over and now I want to shout out to you loud and clear , I DO HAVE THE CONFIDENCE In OUR K2! Really... though our pairing up is last min n not many training, i believe as long as we can focus n trust in each other tat is part of winning! Of cuz i do wish to bring u together to win a medal for urself n me but winning not the medal but finish e race without any regret is the best result we can show to coach & if we have medal tat will be even better :) We don't pressurize ourself too much, jus concentrate on getting into finals and see the end result. Okie...

* To Sher & Jelly

Just realise dun have pic with jelly! Must take at race!!

All the hardwork of training, we must show our result. Training is little and all e trouble we went thru, we must not let it go down e drain... Jia you for each events and keep thinking what u see at the end of the race :) it helps to motivate...

** Jing and Ai xing

Are you still hungry for medal?? Well I DO! I Need more... before that,

Thank, thank alot for all the concern and advise you two have been giving to me during this period when i keep emo n negative! Really very touch and sorry to keep pulling myself down despite everything! But now i won't, hopefully hehe... i will buck up! I Must win the medal for all the training i have gone thru and THE K4 Medal,...even is one event that the three j's is going, Tell u gals, I want it badly, i m hungry for it and i believe the two of u alsO! We shall go grab it down at the end of 200m :) Tat a deal, when u are tired, think of each other like how we do for NCC! We shall have the smile at the end and shout out yesh!!

So NWCC girls, get prepare for a tough fight at this weekend and grab down the medals! Hungry.... Together nv nv ever think of giving up, only to push on and stay with the crew till the end! I believe each of us can do it! ALL the way~~

** FYP, ATTACHMENT, STUDY, pls pls rest well and early for saturday.... Eat more carbo this few days n drink up lots!

No longer can i have the thoughts to give up or say i got no confidence! I together with mel shall go grab the medal we long wanted! Just give us this chance:)

2009-07-23T05:35:00.001+08:00

Exam time table

2009-07-20T00:14:00.006+08:00

No time to continue my part two birthday but shall fine time upload the pictures i promise myself:)... Meanwhile e biggest n greatest fear is here :( Less than a month left n yet to start studying, still busy with my project! Arrggg... god give me more memory pls to storage my studies knowledge for exam! And one more thing is so many paper is at 4pm which i dun like it cuz make me more excited n sianz to go exam already... But got to grab hold anytime to study...

Name : HO NUO, JOYCE (Adm No. : 085106Q) Course : DIPLOMA IN NURSING (HSDF01)

Examination Timetable - Academic Year 2009/2010 Semester 1

DATE
TIME
MODULE
MODULE DESCRIPTION (PAPER NAME)
GRP
VENUE
SEAT

20-AUG-09 (THU)
09:00AM - 11:00AM
HS2131
ABNORMAL PSYCHOLOGY & BEHAVIOURAL MOD
12
G.221 (Z1)
282

Shifu, your birthday, hope u will bring me good luck lol! Shall owe u ur gift n celebrate post belated birthday! Tat a deal

21-AUG-09 (FRI)
04:00PM - 05:00PM
HS2129
PHARMACOLOGY 1
12
G.221 (Z3)
150

24-AUG-09 (MON)
04:00PM - 06:00PM
HS2122
ADULT NURSING 1
12
A.339
258

26-AUG-09 (WED)
09:00AM - 11:00AM
HS2127
BIOLOGICAL SCIENCE 2A
12
A.339
277

28-AUG-09 (FRI)
09:00AM - 11:00AM
HS2123
MENTAL HEALTH NURSING
12
G.221 (Z3)

4Legend for Venue :
VENUE
DESCRIPTION
LOCATION
A.339
NYP Lounge
Block A, Level 3, Room A.339
G.221 (Z1)
Sports Hall (Zone 1)
Block G, Level 2 [Sports Hall (Z1)]
G.221 (Z3)
Sports Hall (Zone 3)
Block G, Level 2 [Sports Hall (Z3)]

2009-07-16T23:13:00.003+08:00

I swear... this year i have the best birthday celebration! Cannot compare to my 21st cuz they make me backtrack time to 21... Hehe

Seriously it consists with all e love i receive from Dear, My team mate senior and juniors and not forgetting my classmate! Wow.. is totally sweetness for me till i think i can't stop smiling nor stop thinking! ** Suffer from diabetes but worth it :p

To keep all this memories, let me share with everyone :)

1st) Intro the head master (Mr Lim Chuan qin aka my dear) who is in charge behind all these surprise :

His plan was to have dinner with him only, but when i reach the place.... He said he make reservation and the waitress say for how many? He reply with his finger 11 and the waitress say oh your friends is here already! I am like where got friends,

den i turn i saw....

My beloved team mate aka as his accomplice :
Kelvin, Weiyi, Jing, Jon, Marcus, Enkai, Junwei, Ax, Kun!
With a birthday cake n started singing birthday song.

They had been together with this plan for long time, i think after ncc! Yet they manage to hide it so well, not bad ar my team mate when tell white lie... lol But happy to see them!

I am really touch and shock! Indeed a big surprise to me to see them cuz dun expect to celebrate with them. Follow on is gift time and Had dinner. Really isn't worth the money for some of them but enjoy the process of taking pictures with the prolaxy (sorry dun noe how to spell lol) camera which dear borrow!

Enjoy:

Bracist

-Jing look damn stern, cuz she scare she blink the eyes! Lol

Part one surprise :)
Really want to thank him for planning! A sweet bf i have! Thank fat dear... haha

He been complaining that i neglect him yet at the same time he knows what i really want!

I simply love the gift alot! Can't stop looking...

-The J's-

This is a shock pic cuz we ask the waitress to take! She jus sudden press n there is goes $1.30
The Two other J who i really want to say THANK! Thank for e support in rowing, when i m emo, down with stress, discourage and really thank god u ppl are around! All the trust and courage u ppl give me to carry on n move to a higher level!

My Batch: Thank for the push each time n support together with encouragement! Without u guys, i wouldn't be here!

Overall i lost of wat to say, jus know i Had alot of fun... Not sure abt the rest but still i wanna to say a big thank to everyone of u for the gift ( the bag i always want) But i feel bad, cuz all of us are so poor! sorry abt it... i will make full use n take good care of the bag!

made me feel the gift!

Specially made by the 3 J's: Jing ting, Jon, Jaslyn
I love it, one n only in singapore

Gift from my shifu :) Oh ya n come with a free meal! lol

Okie tat a long blog...
This is just part one of the celebration... stay tune with me too see wat is part 2...

To be continue :)

Why things are so complicated

2009-06-26T00:52:00.002+08:00

Team team team...
Is it really up to so complicated despite such a simple n small team? Isn't kayaking suppose to be more individual sports yet now we can face with such many problems i would say! Sweet n simple words yet seems so deeply with meaning...Okie i believe everyone, need a stopping point to listen to what have happen but at the same time i believe wat aixing say is rite, we should reflect on ourselves too cuz it takes two hands to clap not ONE! Before even this happen why in the first place is happening...Age? Jealousy? Diff in physical? Or jus character in individual?And really is becuz of us not urself? Think thru...Everyone reflect pls...
I need to take a breather cuz things are jus too much to handle...seeing things this way i seriously think we might jus close down e team :)
Afterall...we are all adult learning place why on earth childish things are happening...

Bless or doomed>_<

2009-06-19T23:03:00.003+08:00

I m going to die soon... After the test water today, i think or confirm i will be doomed soon! Gosh... To think i have capsize, drop my weights! I totally gone blank at that moment. Honestly i dun noe, the water condition is bad at the last 500m and at lane 6! Tat water fountain, cause a big phobia in me, i keep staring or look at it each time i m nearing there...it cause me to slow down, panic and nearly capsize each time i go near!I can't...

Haiz...it seems pointless to talk so much now, with everyone encouragement,plus i m already in for this race i jus have to go thru it and pray tat god is good let me get into straight final! And NO MORE LANE 6 pls... i really hope and want it badly the cookie tat i been training for....
Make a deal with jin n xing, not going to give up not even till the very last min so yup i will buck myself up! Joyce u can de... jia you.... same to the rest:)

And one more thing... thank coach :) for all the confidence u have in me... i feel very touch by wat u say and i not going to give myself up!

God pls bless me everything to be fine and turn out the result i wanna! Amen :)

I pray for everyone whu is going race!

2009-06-17T12:59:00.003+08:00

Now i understand

2009-05-28T23:19:00.003+08:00

I just have just shut my mouth off... why am i talking at that point of time...Watever have happen, no one is to blame but urself! Perhaps the theory is right, when u point the finger to a person, at the same time u are pointing back 3 fingers at urself... Stupid me >_< Is damn dumb of me i think to speak up... when a person is piss, u said nothing but anger words, so it tends to be awful to others ppl ear...Arrggg...

Now I really don't know how long this things will take to heal back but the scar left is going to be there forever... I dun Noe how long more before the trust needed to bulid back to the past or in fact the bond is always not there.... I seriously dun noe! Suppose i am the one whu needed to change instead and thinking over and over, I now fully get what coach meant...

Strong headed, stubborn and straight forward person will only lead me to more individual rather than .... I am thinking of giving up, need more time to think over! This seems better choice to me :) At least i will have other focus on :) I am tired, seriously tired...

Disappointed...

2009-05-24T23:27:00.003+08:00

Sometimes i really hate the place i m living now but at times i still consider myself luckly compare to others who are more unfortunate than me! As i have a roof over myself even though is living under someone esle house...
- However this can't change the fact i wanna to leave this house as fast as i could, seriously... My grandma forever think that i am lousy, bad, always playing cause i m a granddaugther not grandson or SON! Damn it i really don't like the way she do things or treat me but i got no choice cause i got no place to move...arrggg, i think i will go crazy soon one day!
--As for my aunt, she bring me up so i m in debt to her which i don't know how much or how long must i take to repaid this long run debt...seems to be endless and now everything we talk about is MONEY! Is a very sensitive issuse now to me, I never like to talk about money yet when i m back in this house, yah that all we can usually talk! What more,I help to paid for the car loan yet i can't use the car, always changing their words just to prevent lending me the car and each time i use i suppose to pump back the petrol! Rrr..... Really can't take it at times, want to just leave this place...If someone will to ask what abt my parents, well to me they are equal to dead, cause they don't bother and not responsible to us. I not blaming them cause now that i can look after myself just feel tired and disappointed! Sometime is best that you don't know your parent past then to know it too well cause more disappointment you will have! Of cause Jealous with ppl have family and i hope to have a happy family where by i can jus depend on them, perhaps if i will to have them, then today won't have this character joyce! Stubborn, Independent...hehe >_< **Perhaps** Anyway This teach me to be never in debt especially to your family members or anyone cause you don't know how much it take to paid back! Just depend on urself that the best... I swear i must work double hard to get out of here ASAP! I wanna a life, a house of my own :)

Tired...Need a shoulder to lean on...

2009-05-23T20:03:00.005+08:00

Okie...K4 is seriously tired, tough but the achievement is great! We try on and din manage to capsize cause coach keep warn us, there is two schools out in the water you all don't capsize and make me lose face! Lol... no lah jus kidding. Actually the set where by jing, jelly, aixing n me, i feel tat we did well! We not only coordinate well, in fact we still do a few set of 500m with open 10! lol... Is great i swear! I seriously hope coach will change his mind to let us go for k4 race and in NWCC pls.! I wanna a k4 race! Best if we can win medal & i believe we can. :)

- Today also try different k1 cause coach is going to borrow from Mr chua, my SOT partner. I Have decided which to borrow hope by next sat it can come so i can have enough time to get use to the boat and train whole heart with it instead of always changing boats around! Really thank mr chua so much! Not only lent me but still give me choices to try, hmm...hope i won't let Coach and mr chua nor the team down! I will work hard for this boat de! I not sure but heard is going for two events, 500m n 1000m...gosh i m seriously worried! Not sure m I up to it but coach today debrief is, Mental will destory you before your physical does, so don't give up and have the mindset you will lose even before trying...Not win mean will keep winning, is how much you want it! So I can't give up... I must double work hard now since the chance is given to me!

Now not only Ncc is the upcoming race, There is another waterfest race coming, so team work hard for the race cause not many vacancy available! Fight for what you want and show to coach you want it badly! All the way team...

- Finally head off to a nice lunch at ikea with jing n aixing! Had so much till we are so full... lol

Jus look at how much food we order!

Aixing can really eat junk food more than proper meal! lol...

After a nice lunch, jing drove us to meet tampines for aixing to meet junwei while i jus acc...Boring to go back alone hehe! At the same time watch the guys cut botak! Lol...

Last picture before the hair cut...say good bye

The k2 parnter... Cutting same style

I can't imagine his botak look! haha

Cutting process...

Radom picture while waiting for them! Hey ai xing serious you wanna to go Waterfest? Go NCC with me and jing lah...lol anyway the choice is yours but seriously i wish you can go NCC,but u win at waterfest muz share the cashprice with us :p

Botak Number 1 : Malcom say look like convict lol

Botak number 2: Malcom say look like psycho killer :p

Botak number 3: malcom say look like a actor or wat can't rmb... But jus funny looking i think :0

The botaks in nyp sprint kayaking...Now junwei and Botak shifu can have more Chemistry in boat le since same hairstyle! More love to come >_<

Last one to cut is luqman... He suppose to cut short but see is not nice look so nerdy lo! so we manage to change his mind and....

1,2,3....

There you go... Botak too but we think suit him well...Nice** Very on captain**
Finally... All the botaks in line :P

One week down...

2009-05-22T23:11:00.006+08:00

At last...one week at KKH Obstertics ward 32 is over! 3 more weeks before holiday and my project is pile up left at aside undone! I m dead for sure but now let me tell u my this posting.

Our 'beloved' Clinical Instructor for this ward! She can say from point A to Z! Include her drama family history we all also know already lol, Yesh is tat long winded... *oPps :/ Oh ya and she always have this habbit saying: You don't perform, i will MINUS your mark! Spoil my mood :( But i suppose i din do badly n of cause i m not the pearl in her eyes...

Inside the nursery...all babies with mummy only left this four...

- Starting we dun really like cause nothing much to do and our lecture keep nagging till we really bored to tears! However We are all attract to the Nursery due to the (babies) inside! hehee...Often we get caught inside and ite lecture also scold n complain abt us to our lecture! So angry with her cause she already say n warn us which i feel is enough n we are not that old to can't understand english...No need to tell our lecturer, but smart our lecturer reply her: Oh okie and I also don't want to complain abt ur students the other day all went inside feed e babies till my students cannot feed! lol i think the ite lecturer muz be boiling water instead! Nice one nyp...lol

The baby's mother allow us and even help us take picture! Little prince(baby boy) Is so cute n he is my infant that i do my infant bathing skill test on:p So much and soft hair, always sleeping! haha seriously he is jus to adorable.

Intro: Julyanna, my ward 32 joker:) She going to cgh next week, sianz :(

-- Overall this posting is consider still fun and nice cause julyanna is my besti for this ward...whereby ppl confuse me as malay n i say no. Then thought she from thailand instead! Confusion...haha funny patient!! As for us Everyday we plan where n wat to eat, complain abt our lect, joke around with other students nurses during break,enjoy the small park romantic lunch and her human walking "ma ma" shop. lol :p Just enjoy her company...Thank gal :)

Well...let the photo do the talking:)

Twins:) We are so excited to take picture cause only can borrow for awhile as this staff allow that we nearly mix up both of them! Half way taking the pic, Maria (Nursing) say, hey which one is L4 or L5... Den we say oh ya hor, mix up already...lol Faster check n put back :)

Haha... trying out the baby stetoscopes, Small diaphgram...(show how bored we are too)

Byebye little prince:)
I love this pic.. So cute!
Julie, maria and me

Me, jin yan n julie... After debrief

ward 32 students nurses

Okie enjoy taking picture most of the time...lol

Next to excite me is tml finally k4! We are coming...haha i pray everything work well for us:)

Time trial...

2009-05-16T18:15:00.003+08:00

Today Jing ting is finally back to training with us! She is so white now, so different lol... good for her now tat Her exam are over and is 3months holiday! **jealous... Pray tat she do very well :) Haha At the same time, Training programme today is time trial...Coach wanna to choose people to go for the uo coming race which is NCC(National canoeing championship) whereby many nationals and expert will join i think... haha! Calculate the time left to this event isn't much maybe 1month left! And Unluckly me, i again having attachment...arrrgggg... nvm still i will make time to train and try to win myself another cookie:p
Oh ya and the day of the race i jus happen to know, it fall on the same day as dear birthday! ( 20th and 21st june)

Anyway today Did 3 sets of one round sprint and coach will take down the timming.
- First set timing is good only, manage to hit 4:53:++
-Second set, timming drop, hit 5:10:++
-Third set timming, hit 5:01:++
Accurate details to upload once i get from coach! haha
Since coach is so nice to allow us go race, wat my shifu say is rite... i cannot keep choosing, i should jus accept wat coach say and he knows the best :) As for me, i must constanly improve and change my stroke! Now to slack or give myself any more excuses, only to do my best in training! I will de!! in order not to disappoint coach and myself and my team mates!
Coach today told us one story which i feel is true... Win or lose don't matter wat matter is you 'Want' and u train towards it...enjoy the process >_< color="#ff6600">WANT' Wat coach mean is the WANT to achieve in this sport and how much to gain it! Don't always think that the top will stay on only, you too can make the difference to show instead taking another way out! As for myself I will work hard to achieve 'The WANT' Coach say...
Seriously i think i want...Plus i going to want it badly! Think over from my last blog,I not going to stop here, limit myself to max Joyce....No matter to studies, or training :p (try my best)hehe

To aixing and jing: ai xing you too must jia you and how tough is it hang on there, And rmb u say u will try ur best not to let me catch up while i will do my best to chase after u! And jing mah... you don't need to close up the gap, u train up le sure will be harder for me to chase also! So together we must work hard for NWCC!! (K4) My next aim...hehee :)
The rest of the team... Continue to work hard, have someone u always wan to win n keep chasing after him or her! The further they run is harder to catch so stay close...Jia you all the way team :) Never give up

- One more thing to excite me, for me to look forward for the next coming weekend!!!! Cause we going to bedok to train and try out K4... yesh, i been wanting and waiting for this day. So much wanna to partner aixing, jing ting...Pray tat we can coordinate well and everything turn out to be well and change coach thinking...haha... Jia you okie :)

K4...I will be coming :) hhaha

Is this what I wanna...

2009-05-13T23:17:00.008+08:00

Team nyp kayaking

Kelvin hse party(late upload pic)

My shifu

Someone who have alot of fighting spirit, always motivated to train up! Continue to jia you wor shifu

Captain luqman and vice captain kun....

Girls team....

I always enjoy this nite.... Crazy yet enjoy to the fullest!

Marcus: Hope u recover well and be back to ur hardcore training with My shifu

How nice... If everything is as simple yet happy like this moment :)

Am i still the one who i use to be...can everything be as simple as i think? Suddenly Take some time off and deep thinking! Looking back...

For the past one year in my poly life, these are the people who i spend most of my time with beside dear and classmate! From this team i learnt alot from each individual ,meet a different coach but both same so soft hearted and experience different feelings compare to Dragonboat!

** But am i enjoying it?... Am i Hungry for more winning? Who can tell me if it still in me? Or is it lost, Totally drained! Nowadays i feel tired more n more easily than before...sickness is coming nearer to me,pain, ache are all over my body now... I wish and hope i can run away from training, finding all type of excuses for myself...All these jus make me start to feel lonely and nothing seems to brighten up my day! Sadness seems to be filling in more faster than i expect... Am I at the right track doing the right things... Do i belong to here or somewhere esle suit me more?? To you i seems jus a threat in all my surrounding?? I don't wish to take up anymore pressure from anything, Can i hope for a peace or jus leave without a words...JOYCE HO Is this wat i really hope for? Really...

I don't wanna to disappoint myself if i choose to let go yet i am afraid I am not up to standard, falling is tough and painful! Don't wish to face all these cause i simply no motivation to move up! Ahead of me, the road seems dark, who can give a lending hands to pull me up! All for their own, in this world only the strongest survice, the weakest are left to die! Is it true about all human? Where is feelings for touch...

Arrgg....

Help!

2009-05-08T23:19:00.004+08:00

I feel so lost and helpless... Seems like everyday i am in a rush and catching for something! Cause my year 2 teacher speak so fast that i could not follow up alreadY! Now one week 3 of the school yet i can feel the pressure and stress coming from teacher, uncle and myself sometimes even the surrounded friends too... Body is worse, each day i am getting weaker and weaker cause falling sick so easily! I haven fully recover from my flu, sore throat... See doctor which cost me $42bucks!!! Haiz Plus after training i am too tired to continue study at home! Energy bar pls :(

My feelings now: *The higher you climb, the more people below await to see how heavy you fall and never to pick yourself up! oh no....

Gosh i think i am suffering from parnoid schizophrenia!!!

Seriously Worried i can't handle this sem cause having attachment at week 5 and training together must meet my groupmate for 5 project out of 9 subject i am taking which need to hand in when sch reopen at week 11, present on week 14 onwards! exam week 18,19... Arrrgggg....... How how how.! Can i have more time and more brains that can work fast so can't relieve my burden and score well at the same time!

Sometimes i hope or should i say i wish i can swallow down all the books of information...How nice would it be...

Some of my groupmates, boring after too much discussion....therefore must take picture to relax! lol....

Lastly.... I am tired! Tomorrow going to be a long day again cause training follow by kelvin celebration and study! Must start tomorrow, can't afford to slack! All i need now is focus and discipline!

Joyce wake up and jia you...

Boring...Ankle sprain

2009-04-29T22:59:00.004+08:00

Depression... Damn painful and now i have problem in walking... Luckly i got a nice dear to 'fu shi' me...lol
(zhu jiao)

I am so sad... cause my leg is 'zhu jiao' now! I think i have sprain it during PA when adjusting back the foot rest as i m in a hurry and anxious. Dumb me initally think that perhaps is becuz i m tired from climbing in and out of the boat n choppy water so i dun bother! But the pain somehow increase and become worse after monday running! Gosh... decide to see a chinse sinseh today with dear as he been nagging at me...lol

At the clinic, seems to be very scarly cause all doors of the consultation room are all open and with a few doctors inside! And one room can consult a few patient with accupunture! Needles poking... When is my turn, i told the doctor i might injure it and she told me to lie down for her to check! She say need to poke needle... I was so scare that i reject and came by another male doctor say ok don't want to poke needle then shall bandage it for two days! So He rub and push... so painful! Now i m limping... Hope i can reover in time to play on sat sentosa n sunday training... Now i am thinking if i should work tomorrow as is painful to walk around plus tired to stand!

Anyway Thank dear for accompany, hope i will recover and in consideration to see my elbow or not... cause it is also hurting from my past injury! Gosh... bless me to be in good health in order to row well!!

PA race

2009-04-27T23:49:00.018+08:00

PA is finally over...These two days really tired out as first day i have no race, i m the team manager for them! hehee din really do a good job cuz is a last min job and i have no experience but thank for all ppl hu have help me :) greatly appreciated...Prepare for a race is nv easy...

Thank marcus's mum for cooking n charge us at $3 bucks only... good deal where to find:p lol only at bedok by marcus...

** Anyway congrats to all winners, u guys fight hard for ur cookies...but dun be complacent cuz the journey to more cookies is still far and just getting started! Work hard double while those hu din won, dun be discourage cuz u gain experience and you know where u stand! learn n pick urself where u have fail, Now is time to buck urself up and fight till the end!! I believe coach somehow is still disappointed with our results but he nv say out instead he encourage! Thank coach... We will continue to work hard!

Pictures time... sorry not in order cuz i m too lazy to arrange... ENJOY :)

[ Bedok reservior]

[Aixing is still as powerful, getting 2nd for k1 while i get 3rd][The First winner din come to receive gift]

[My First k1 medal and Sit on top 2nd medal]

[My result][Mr Chua from TPJC and me, Last min SOT partner]

[ We manage to get 2nd:)]

[Kelvin n kun: k2 third! Nice one guys]
[Shifu(enkai) n uncle weiyi: T2 senior men 2nd & 3rd]

[ Our nice coach & me, Thank for patience in teaching...
hmmm Coach told me that he wanna me to concentrate on k1 first cuz i might have difficulties in working with ppl...gosh is it bad>? I seriously dun noe but i dun really like single! yet i can,t find a partner...sianz weel, Since he is coach i think he noes the best for me, i shall jus listen n do well so in not to let him down! I will continue to jia you de!! But coach i seriously wanna n hope to row k4 pls!! :)] hehe

[Alferd: U are great this time, seriously i mean it...though u capsize at the critial moment but i know tat u dun wish it and no ppl can predict wat will happen! So dun blame yourself...work hard okie... anyway Happy belated birthday squeeze from the guys team, usually gals dun join in lol...]
[Huey yen n joanna, Nice job, though din win but u fight hard]

[Huey yen...always happy gal][Mel... U grown alot, stronger to be][Sam n sher... ur first t1 sprint race, able to win or not dun matter, wat most important is u have enjoy the race and take this as a learning experience, continue to strive for better result] [Maria n me]
[k2 gold medalist: Aixing n jing][Daniel: A nice adviser cum coach in teaching me n constantly remind me of my hand] Thank [Jing ting: Thank alot... I have learn alot from u n xing... i hope to go k4 honestly] Jia you for ur exam... U can do it jus like ur rowing
[Coach giving us a debrief]
[The Team]
[Printed wrongly again] We are NYP SPRINT KAYAK!

[ My full time fan: Chuan Qin, heehee...thank dear for all the support and time spend this race and the past race. He always encourage me and worried for me too, lol... I hope i will win more cookies for you so you will invest in one k boat for me... lol! ]

[Myself reflection: I wasn't happy with the result as i feel i can do better but i dun wish to point fingers at anyone since is over... I just take it as a learning experience and dun allow mistake to repeat again!...From this race i Learn from where i m not good in k1(starting brust) and buck up joyce, dun allow others to over take while thinking i m great... I jus need more n more practice and strength! K1 or k2 or k4... all race i must jia you and win myself and the team glory!]

Tat all... Good nite

Buck up...

2009-04-25T01:17:00.010+08:00

Wondering how my life been, well is all training and now sch reopen! Haha...Get to see this cray gal in the picture and of cuz my classmate! But only took picture with her...Joey feel Proud i put ur face here...lol anyway really miss some of them...haha but year 2 is really tougher than year 1 ten times more...we must study hard n faster cuz i feel year 2 teacher speaks very fast like as if they in a rush! Or perhaps i m old..hehe

Anyway sch reopen which mean Club crawl also is over n done with... overall result in recuiting isn't bad cuase do have some interested students! Well wat matters more is will they stay on for girls while on the other hand how many guys manage to go thru the time trial to stay...haha Girls must buck up more to prove guys tat girls are good at sport too :p I pray tat really our team will grow and hope monday orientation shall see you ppl....

(Our Booth... nicely place with all medals...)

(Nice n cool brochures? Done by design student: Junwei and k2 by kun our vice cap!)

(Took at club crawl after playing) Tired**

**Shall upload more when i get the pic from joanna :)

In a few hours to come shall be the long waiting race :PA

I seriously up till now i still asking myself if i m ready or really ready to go for my first k1 race! Jing say this shall be my stepping stone to k races, i muz prove it...while ai xing say can do it... Somehow wat is holding me back? Honestly i dun noe n i jus wory i might let everyone down! Thank everyone for the encouragement n thank shifu for the tag! Really brighten up me :) and of cuz kind of more motivation... I can't 100% say i will win, but i will do my best!

Joyce: Overcome ur fear n win urself glory!

Special delicate to:

** Team NYP SPRINT KAYAK**

Its time to show our result to coach, together we been working so hard for this! We muz be fill with hunger and cookies is awaiting for us! Go grab it back at the end of the race! How much you want it, you go get it and prove us! Jia you all the way ppl...God bless

Finally..

2009-04-16T00:43:00.006+08:00

Yesh... at least something is completed! Is the banner... dun say is too colourful or not nice cuz is all our hardwork! Though is alittle colourful but it stand for how colourful can the team be! And is attractive enough.! I simply love the Bako lol... I think will love it too...

Today training was slack! Cuz is raining after two sets of 400m sprint only sianz, actually wanna to head back to gym but i suppose everyone is tired out so we said to do the banner... instead we done something to put the medal! More cool i think... lol

Honestly... i feel tired out nowadays, training is tough or am i getting old for this sports! Seems to have low energy lo! Plus school is going to restart! Worried plus plus.... Energy power**

- At least i manage to meet up with jolene! Been very long lo since we last meet... head for dinner at the cathay for cheap westen! Spend only 15bucks... gosh so WOW! (Cheap) Highly recommend cuz no service charge... Forget to take picture of the food as we are busy eating n ppl busy staring... lol So cramp...

Time to say good bye...hope we can meet up soon! Nice to noe she is doing fine in sch and with her bf! She have a sweet bf hu always sew n cook for her...lol

Medication Error`

2009-04-14T23:13:00.006+08:00

Gosh...So stupid of me! Serving the medicine for so long yet at the busiest time i can prescribed wrong medication to patient! Only came to realise it when i writing the document as a evidence... I relook and shock to found out i actually give out the wrong medication, plan to call the person to ask him come back change but on the card dun have his contact number!! Shit... So panic, and decided to own up my mistake to the doctor! I swear i feel gulity after telling him cuz he din scold me instead he tell me nicely! And thank god.... the medication have the same effect and same class of medication! Really Thank god, but somehow the gulit still in me...

-Kindly wake up joyce~~! Sch is going to reopen, is time i focus back to studies and score well compare to last sem!! Wake up!!!!

Enough of my mistake... anyway now we are not only busy at training also for club crawl... been doing some arts with kun, kelvin, marcus, weiyi and yee keng... haha told some pic to show how hard working we are!

This last year jun wei hard work...Pretty n cool rite...

hmmm we are in the process for ours, hold on more for further details.... soon out! Surely won't lose out to him... lol

Countdown to....PA

2009-04-13T12:33:00.000+08:00

Starting to be more and more worried for the upcoming race (PA), seriously i dun fee tat i m ready for it! Hmmm... left with 12 more days to 25/04/09 race, which mean 2more land training, 7 more sea training and one test water at bedok! Really got to make full use of the remaining training n train up to my max le, no time for slacking or dreaming! Stroke mus change to wider and not use only arm...trunk also very important yet i always fail to use...haiz how? god pls give me a wake up call in changing my stroke! I seriously need it badly in order to win my first k1 medal! As for boat... I got to practice on boat 1-5 and bako as not enough boat! Hopefully i can use bako for race cuz is lighter and last charge i feel more stable in it! Ivan... pls give the Po faster so we can have more boats instead of always short of, really feel sianz when no boat in training compare to ...

Hao le enough of complain... i shall go pack my bag to go for a swim before gym later...haha double up my training level is a must must now! Jia you

New blog...

2009-04-12T17:35:00.001+08:00

Finally decided to change back to blogspot instead of continue using mutliply!! hehee... cuz is more friendly user lah for slow learner like me! so well... i shall start back to blog abt myseflf, my life and my happy moments...

Anyway just a short update on how is my life...

Good friday : Had a wonderful time outing with dear as holiday we hardly went out to enjoy, take this chance and guess what... we went to tree top walk! Suppose to be rest day from outing but we still walk n burn fats! lol...

Pa race coming : Will be going for PA on K1 n T1, kind of stress and very nervous! Plus i not very stable... Seriously i hope to win a k1 medal! but confidence level is not up to there so worried! I better train up more... god pls give me more strength >_<

okie enough of talking le... shall blog again! Now i going to head off for dinner with dear's family as it is his grandfather birthday..

- now enjoy the pics...

These are jus part one... more to upload...heehee